


You Hurt Me So Much I Don't Know Myself Anymore

by idkhskin



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Gaslighting, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Poetry, Real Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, suicide baiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkhskin/pseuds/idkhskin
Summary: Too many poems and songs about one girl who does not deserve it.
Kudos: 2





	1. Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Specific TW for this piece: suicide bating
> 
> Also there's purposely incorrect grammar. It's not enough to be a TW, but it is important enough to note. It's for emphasis.

Fuck you; you're not someone  
I love you; I need some help  
I hate you; stop telling Me you hate yourself

Stop playing dumb with Me  
I want you to be here with Me  
Please come over to Me  
you're the only one who can save Me  
I am so unstable  
It's getting kinda predictable  
I need someone to handle  
I just can't trust Myself alone

I think I lost you  
I don't wanna lose you ever in My life  
I know I hurt you  
I don't wanna hurt you ever in My life

Dumbfuck; don't guilt trip Me  
But I'll do the same to you  
Please come here; stay by Me or I'll kill Myself

Be online all the time  
Stop runnin away from everything  
Shut the fuck up, bitch, and let Me type  
How I feel, and what I wanna say  
Don't assume; don't ask questions  
Please become attached to Me  
I don't love you; not one bit  
you clearly never cared for Me

I think I lost you  
I don't wanna lose you ever in My life  
I know I hurt you  
I don't wanna hurt you ever in My life

If you cared about Me, you would  
Be right here; right next to Me  
I want you; I can't trust Me here by Myself

we need to leave You to help our life  
But i'm scared that You're gonna die  
Because of me; i'll never know if You're still alive  
Please remember that i still love You  
And it was so hard to leave You  
But being around You has left us traumatized


	2. When You Love a ead Girl

Remember 2019? We met in May  
Or was it April? Or March? I can't exactly say  
We were the closest as close could be  
I wish we could go back to then; when you loved me

I was oblivious then, but I would be okay  
I would let you go out with me, if you could just say  
How you really felt, when you felt like that  
If only then, I would have loved you back

Somehow, through the Summer, we drifted away  
But we still stayed for eachother every single day  
We found eachother again, and grew closer since  
You knew you loved her; you kept dropping hints

I love you now, but it's hard to say  
And I know you still love me, but not the same  
I know you're happy with her, but I love you too much  
I want what's best for you; you're still my obsession

You slowly fell apart; you started to break  
But I believed we could fix you before your D-Day  
I thought that we could pull you thrugh; prove your thoughts wrong  
But you couldn't

**Author's Note:**

> I am no longer connected to this person. I have left this person's life. Forever. I will no longer be hurt by her. She was one of my only friends, and that's why I stayed around for much longer than I should have. I had an unhealthy obsession of her. She has hurt me, as well as my good friend. While I have less emotional breakdowns because of her, my good friend has been having more. I know that I will develop that unhealthy obsession, and try to do everything, even though they are not hurting me.
> 
> If you, the reader, knows someone who is in a situation where they are being abused, please try to convince them to get out of it, if they can. And if you are in a situation where you are, please listen to your friends if they know you're being hurt. Please listen to your anxiety, if you think they are being abusive. I know that it is hard to believe them, and to leave that person. It took far too long for me to listen to either of them. But if you, yourself, are thinking that someone is toxic, with specific memories that stick out as red flags, you're probably right.
> 
> If the person this is about is reading this, which she's probably not cos I don't think she uses AO3, let alone for original works, I really hope that you get the help you need. Something has made you change, and I want you to change back to how you were before. Regardless of if you do or not, I will not enter your life. You have reached the point of no return. Regardless of if you do or not, fuck you. Seriously. You hurt me far too much. Stop blaming your ADHD on your faults, and take accountability for your actions.
> 
> -
> 
> I hate to do this here, as no where fits this bit even sloghtly, but you can listen to this on my soundcloud if you want. I just want to add this here in case someone wants to say I'm plagiarising. I am them. They are me.  
> https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/vULDMfzmAubBSWrU6


End file.
